i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
