no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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