we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
