JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
