The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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