Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
