Don't make out with my wife yet
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
