you're like a bully in the Christmas story
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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