Your tits are I can't wait for
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
