You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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