She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
