hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
