Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
