glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
