He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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