i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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