Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
