you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
