yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
