I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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