i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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