i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
