My sheets look like a crime scene.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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