He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
