Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
