Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
