Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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