dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
