I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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