The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
