Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
