No stitches, just platelets and will power
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
