We need to rekindle our bromance
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
