He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
