did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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