Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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