This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
