in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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