from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
