so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
