I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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