The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
