WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
