I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she smelled like a LAN party
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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