What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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