I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
