youre lurking in front of me
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
