as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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