i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
