I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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