Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
