I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
