I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
