he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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